A spell to make him forget his ex is what people search for when they’re in love with someone who isn’t finished with someone else. He mentions her name, or keeps her photo, or goes quiet around her birthday. You’re there, you’re kind, you’re showing up, and yet it feels as though you’re competing with a ghost. So you wonder whether there’s a way to help him let go.
The plain answer is that no spell can make another person forget someone. Feelings about an ex don’t work like a file you can delete, and no ritual can reach into another person’s memory and rearrange it. What changes how a man feels about his past is time, grief he allows himself to feel, the way he sees himself and, sometimes, the experience of a different relationship that feels safe. Those things you can influence a little, by how you act. You can’t control them, and trying to can harm both of you.
This guide is written for readers in Australia first and Europe second. It explains why exes linger, what a spell can and can’t do, how to tell whether he’s ready for you, how to be a good partner while he heals, how to talk about it, when to step back and how to look after yourself.
Key takeaways
- No spell can make someone forget a person. Moving on happens through time, grief and honest self-reflection.
- If he’s still caught up in his ex, the issue is his readiness, not your worth. You can’t rush it.
- You can be patient, kind and clear about what you need, and decide whether the relationship works for you as it is.
- Be wary of anyone who offers to “erase” an ex for a fee. Scamwatch (ACCC) takes reports.
Why an ex stays in his mind
Most people don’t forget a former partner quickly, and that’s normal. A past relationship leaves habits, memories, shared friends and unfinished feelings. Grief after a breakup can last months or years, and it often comes in waves. A song, a place or a date on the calendar can bring it back. Some people also keep a mental image of the past as better than it was, especially if the relationship ended suddenly or without closure.
Several things can keep an ex present. He might still be in contact with her, through shared children, friends or work. He might not have processed why it ended. He might be avoiding the pain by jumping into something new, which people often call a rebound. Or he might be using the memory as a measuring stick against which no one measures up. None of this is about you, though it can feel like it is.
What a spell to make him forget his ex can and can’t do
A forgetting spell usually involves a candle, a written intention, perhaps a photo or name, and words asking that he release the past. Some people find the ritual calming, and that has value. Michael Norton and Francesca Gino’s 2014 research found that rituals after a loss reduce grief and increase a sense of control, and being in love with someone who’s not fully available is a kind of ongoing loss.
What a ritual can’t do is reach into his mind. Memory and attachment are shaped by experience, and no evidence shows that a spell can change them in another person. Be especially wary of services that offer to “cut ties” between him and his ex, “erase” her from his thoughts or “block” her from contacting him. They promise control over two people who haven’t agreed to anything. The page on third party removal spells explains how that kind of work is described on this site, and why consent and honesty about outcomes matter.
Is he ready for you?
Before anything else, look honestly at where he is. Signs that he’s moved on enough include being able to talk about the past calmly, without bitterness or longing; not comparing you to her; being open about his feelings; not contacting her for emotional support; and being willing to build something with you. Signs that he’s not include talking about her often, keeping her things close, getting upset when her name comes up, staying in frequent contact, or being evasive about the end of the relationship.
It’s also worth looking at timing. If the breakup was recent, he may be in the middle of grief, and a new relationship may be a way of avoiding it. If it was long ago and he’s still not moved on, that may reflect a deeper pattern. Neither is a verdict on you. They’re simply facts about where he is, and they help you decide what you can reasonably expect.
The rebound question
If you’re his first relationship after a breakup, you may wonder whether you’re a rebound. Research on rebound relationships is mixed. Some studies suggest that people who begin new relationships soon after a breakup can feel better, and others suggest that unresolved feelings can spill into the new relationship. What matters in practice is how he’s behaving: whether he’s honest with you, present and willing to look at what he’s feeling, or whether he uses the relationship to avoid the past.
It’s fair to ask him directly and kindly. “I like you a lot, and I want to understand where you are with your ex. Can we talk about it?” His answer, and how he gives it, will tell you a lot. If he says he’s not sure, you can decide whether you’re willing to wait, and for how long. You’re entitled to want someone who is fully present.
Being a good partner while he heals
If you decide to stay, you can help in small ways without trying to fix him. Be consistent and honest. Create a relationship where he feels safe and valued, and where he doesn’t have to compare. Listen when he wants to talk about the past, without judging or feeling threatened. Give him space to feel what he feels, and don’t take it personally when it surfaces.
Don’t compete with the ex. Comparing yourself to her, asking about her or checking her social media will keep her at the centre. Put your energy into your own life and into building shared experiences with him. Psychologist Arthur Aron’s research in 2000 found that couples who did novel, exciting activities together reported greater relationship satisfaction, which suggests that making new memories together matters more than erasing old ones.
How to talk about it
Choose a calm moment, not the middle of a conflict or the day his ex’s name came up. Start with how you feel rather than accusations: “I notice I feel insecure when her name comes up, and I’d like to understand what’s going on for you.” Then listen. Ask open questions: how things ended, whether he’s still in touch, what he’s feeling now.
Say what you need. Maybe that’s a clear boundary around contact with her, or reassurance that he’s committed, or simply time to talk. Make requests rather than demands. If he’s defensive or dismissive, say so calmly and give him time to respond. If the conversation keeps going nowhere, a counsellor can help. Relationships Australia (1300 364 277) offers counselling for couples and individuals.
Boundaries around contact with the ex
Practical boundaries matter. If they share children, contact is necessary and healthy, and it should be civil, brief and focused on the children. If they don’t, ongoing private contact, emotional confiding or social media interaction can keep the connection alive. It’s reasonable to ask that contact be limited, and to expect transparency about it.
The way you ask matters. “I’d feel more comfortable if you didn’t message her late at night” is a clear, specific request. “You have to cut her off” is an ultimatum that may breed resentment. If he’s unwilling to discuss it at all, that’s information. And be careful not to cross into controlling behaviour: checking his phone, demanding passwords or monitoring who he speaks to harms trust and can be a form of coercive control. 1800RESPECT (1800 737 732) is available at any hour if you feel unsafe in a relationship.
If you’re trying to attract someone who is still attached
This may be a man you aren’t yet with, but want to be. The temptation is to try to “get him over her.” The most respectful approach is to be a good friend, to be clear about your interest in a way he can respond to, and to give him time. Don’t pressure him, and don’t present yourself as the cure for his heartbreak. People often feel pushed away by someone who tries to rescue them.
If he’s not ready, you may have to step back. That can be painful, and it’s also kind to both of you. Interest that has to be coaxed from someone who’s still attached elsewhere rarely turns into the relationship you want. Putting your energy into your life, friendships and other possibilities keeps you open, and if he does come around in time, you’ll be in a better place than if you’d waited on him.
What helps a person actually let go
If you’d like to understand what moving on involves, it helps to know what researchers and counsellors describe. People tend to move on when they’ve made sense of why the relationship ended, allowed themselves to grieve, rebuilt their daily life and sense of self, and formed new connections. It’s not a straight line, and setbacks are normal.
Some practical things support that process. Talking to friends or a counsellor about what happened. Writing about it. Changing routines tied to the old relationship. Reducing contact with the ex, where possible. Taking up new activities and friendships. All of these are things he has to do for himself. You can encourage them gently, for example by suggesting a walk or listening when he wants to talk, but the work is his.
Counselling can help. If he’s open to it, seeing a counsellor to talk about the breakup can be a significant step. Relationships Australia (1300 364 277) offers counselling services, and a GP can provide a referral and discuss a mental health care plan. In the UK, a GP or Relate can help. If he’s not open to it, that’s his choice, and you can decide how you want to respond.
A worked example: staying kind without losing yourself
Imagine Dani, who has been seeing Marcus for four months. Marcus split from his partner of six years about a year before they met. He’s attentive and affectionate, but he sometimes goes quiet when a song comes on or when he sees a photo of the old friend group. Last week he mentioned that his ex had texted to ask how he was.
Dani feels a pang, and notices an urge to ask him to block her number. Instead she waits until a calm moment and says, “I felt a bit unsettled when you mentioned she’d texted. I’m not asking you to do anything, but I’d like to understand how you feel about her contacting you.” Marcus is quiet, then says he replied briefly and doesn’t know what he wants. Dani says she appreciates his honesty, and that she needs to know he’s committed to this relationship, with a conversation in a few weeks about where they are. She then books dinner with friends that weekend.
That response isn’t dramatic. It names a feeling, asks a question, sets a gentle expectation and keeps Dani’s own life going. It gives Marcus room to be honest, and it protects Dani whatever he decides. It’s the opposite of a spell: slow, human and based on what each person actually says and does.
When the ex is part of his life for good
Sometimes the ex can’t be removed because they share children. In that case, the question isn’t how to make him forget her but how to live alongside a co-parenting relationship. A parent who stays civil with an ex, and is reliable and respectful, is showing good character. It’s reasonable to expect that he keeps contact focused on the children, and to ask for clarity about boundaries.
Be careful not to compete with the ex or criticise her in front of him or the children. That tends to make people defensive, and children notice. If conflict arises, couples counselling or family counselling can help. The Family Relationship Advice Line (1800 050 321) offers free information and referrals for separated families. And if you become a step-parent, remember that you’re one adult among several in a child’s life, and patience goes a long way.
When his friends and family still talk about her
Sometimes the ex is kept alive less by him than by the people around him. His mother still has her photo on the fridge. His friends tell old stories that include her. A sister stays in touch with her online. This can feel like a verdict on you, but it usually isn’t. People hold on to shared history at their own pace, and a long relationship leaves a long trail.
Try not to make him the referee. Asking him to stop his family mentioning her puts him in a hard spot and rarely works. It is fairer to tell him how it feels to you, once and calmly, and then watch what he does with it. A partner who is ready for you will find small ways to make space: including you in plans, introducing you properly, and changing the subject when it gets awkward.
Give it time. Many families adjust once they see the new relationship is steady.
When to step back
Consider stepping back if he’s still deeply entangled with his ex, if he’s not honest about it, if you feel anxious or second-best most of the time, if you’re doing most of the emotional work, or if the pattern isn’t changing after months. None of this makes him a bad person. It means the relationship, as it is, isn’t meeting your needs.
Stepping back is hard when you care. Lean on friends and family, keep routines and consider counselling. The page on stopping loving someone offers practical steps for letting go. You’re allowed to want someone who’s fully available.
A ritual for your own steadiness
If you’d like a ritual, make it about you. Choose a quiet evening. Sit with a notebook, and a candle on a heatproof surface if you like. Write what you want in a relationship, what you’re willing to offer and what you won’t accept. Read it slowly and say aloud, “May I be patient, honest and kind to myself, and may I choose what is good for me.”
Let the candle burn briefly under watch, then put it out. Write one action for the coming week, such as an honest conversation, a night with friends or a counselling appointment, and do it. The ritual asks nothing of him or his ex, so it raises no ethical issues, and it gives your feelings somewhere to go. The guide to love spells at home versus a spell caster explains simple home practices.
What a consultation with Baba Ali involves
If you want to talk with a practitioner, you start by sending your situation through the secure form on the contact page. Baba Ali reads it and talks with you about what is going on and what you hope for. He then advises whether spiritual work fits and what it would include. The how it works page sets out the stages: consultation, preparation of ritual materials, the ritual itself, then updates through a private client portal.
It’s reasonable to ask what each stage covers and costs, and to be told plainly that no outcome can be promised. You should never be asked to interfere with another person against their wishes. The page on a love spell caster in Australia explains how remote sessions work.
Mistakes people make when a partner can’t let go
A few habits make things worse. Comparing yourself to the ex out loud. Checking her social media or his phone. Demanding he cut off all contact immediately. Pretending you’re fine when you’re not. Rushing him to say he loves you. Waiting for years without a conversation. Paying a spell caster to “erase” her, and then again when it doesn’t work. And making his healing your project.
The alternative is steady and honest: say how you feel, ask for what you need, give him time and keep your own life full. If he can meet you there, the relationship has a chance. If he can’t, you’ll know, and you’ll have protected yourself.
Looking after yourself
It’s draining to feel like you’re sharing someone with a memory. Keep the basics: sleep, regular meals, movement and daylight. See friends and family, and don’t let the relationship take over your life. If you find yourself anxious, comparing yourself to her or doubting your worth, talk to someone. Lifeline (13 11 14) is available at any hour, Beyond Blue (1300 224 636) offers mental health support, and MensLine Australia (1300 78 99 78) supports men. In the UK, Samaritans (116 123) is available at any hour. If you have thoughts of harming yourself, call Lifeline or 000 right away.
Scam warning signs
People who feel they’re competing with an ex are easy targets. Be wary of guarantees such as “he’ll forget her in seven days,” large upfront fees, repeated requests for more money to “strengthen” the work, claims that the ex has cursed you and threats of bad luck if you stop. A genuine practitioner explains what they do and what they can’t promise.
In Australia, Scamwatch, run by the ACCC, publishes current scam information and takes reports, and your bank may help if you act quickly. The guide to spell caster scams in Australia lists the warning signs. Before you pay anyone, write down what you’ve been promised and what happens if nothing changes.
If you live in the UK or elsewhere in Europe
The same points apply. Relate offers counselling in the UK, and Samaritans (116 123) is there at any hour. Attitudes toward past relationships, family involvement and talking about feelings vary across countries, and a counsellor who takes your background into account can be helpful. Persistent unwanted contact is an offence in the UK and most of Europe, so respect any boundary the ex or your partner sets. Remote consultations work across time zones.
Frequently asked questions
Can a spell make him forget his ex?
No. A spell can’t erase memories or change another person’s feelings. A ritual can help you feel steadier while he works through his own.
How long does it take for a man to get over an ex?
There’s no standard timeline. It can take months or years, and it depends on the relationship, how it ended and how he handles grief.
Am I just a rebound?
It’s hard to know without asking. Look at how he behaves: honesty, presence and willingness to talk about his feelings are good signs. Ask him directly and kindly.
Should I ask him to cut off contact with his ex?
You can ask for reasonable boundaries, especially around private or late-night contact. If they share children, civil contact is necessary. Avoid ultimatums and controlling behaviour.
What if he still talks about her all the time?
Tell him how it affects you, and ask what’s going on for him. If it continues and he’s not open to talking, consider whether the relationship meets your needs.
Can I help him move on?
You can offer patience, honesty and a safe relationship. You can’t do the work for him, and trying to can backfire.
Where can I get support?
Relationships Australia (1300 364 277), Lifeline (13 11 14) and MensLine Australia (1300 78 99 78) offer support. In the UK, Relate and Samaritans (116 123) help.
Should I tell him how I feel about his ex?
Yes, calmly and without blame. Saying “I feel insecure when she comes up” is honest and invites a conversation. Accusations or ultimatums tend to shut it down.
Is it a red flag if he keeps her photos?
Not necessarily. Keeping old photos is common, especially if there are shared memories or children. It becomes a concern if he’s hiding them, gets upset when you ask, or uses them to compare you to her.
How can I tell if he has really moved on?
Look for calm, non-bitter talk about the past, openness about his feelings, no emotional dependence on her and a willingness to build something with you. Actions over time tell you more than words in the moment.
Your next step
If you want to talk through your situation in private, you can start a confidential consultation through the contact page. You can also browse the other services, or read how the site writes and checks its guides in the editorial standards. A spell to make him forget his ex can’t change his heart, and a ritual is best used for your own steadiness. If you’re struggling, call Lifeline on 13 11 14 in Australia or Samaritans on 116 123 in the UK.