Do commitment spells work? The question usually comes from someone whose relationship is good in every way except the one that matters most to them. He won’t say what you are. She keeps changing the subject when you mention the future. You’ve been together two years, or six, and you’re still waiting to hear “I want this for good.” A spell that promises to produce that sentence is very tempting.
The honest answer needs to be split in two. A ritual can’t make another adult commit, and there’s no reliable evidence that any spell has ever done so. Anyone quoting a success rate is guessing. What spiritual work can do is help you steady your nerves, clarify what you want and prepare for a direct conversation, and some people find that valuable. If “work” means “help me act with calm and courage”, it can. If it means “make him propose by Christmas”, it can’t.
This guide is written for readers in Australia first and Europe second. Few asked whether the partner wanted the relationship at all.
Key takeaways
- No evidence shows that spells make a partner commit. Rituals can calm and focus you, which helps you act well, but they don’t choose for someone else.
- Commitment tends to grow when a relationship is satisfying, when the alternatives look worse and when both people have invested in it. You can influence the first and third, honestly.
- The most effective step is usually a direct, kind conversation with a clear timeframe and a decision about what you’ll do with the answer.
- Promises of a proposal, a fixed date or a guaranteed “yes” are sales lines. Step away from them.
What commitment actually means
People use the word for several different things, and confusion between them causes much of the pain. One meaning is exclusivity: you’re seeing only each other. Another is a shared future: you’re planning holidays, a home, maybe children. A third is formal commitment, such as moving in together, getting engaged or marrying. A fourth is emotional commitment, which is the sense that this person will stay when things get difficult.
A partner may be strongly committed in one of these ways and unready in another. Some people are fully loyal and still nervous about marriage. Others talk happily about marriage and struggle with day-to-day reliability. Before you decide that your partner “won’t commit”, work out which kind you mean, because the conversation, the timeline and the options are different for each. It’s kinder, and more effective, to say “I’d like us to talk about living together” than “I need you to commit”. For the honest answer to whether rituals do anything, read do love spells work.
Why people hold back
Commitment anxiety is real, and it rarely has a single cause. Some people carry a painful history: a parents’ divorce, a betrayal, a previous relationship that ended badly. Some are afraid of losing independence, or of making the wrong choice. Some have practical worries, such as money, career or visa uncertainty. Some aren’t sure about this particular relationship, and haven’t found the words to say so. Some simply aren’t ready, at a stage of life when marriage or children aren’t on their mind.
Understanding the reason doesn’t remove it, but it helps you choose your response. A partner who says “I’m scared, and I’m working on it” is in a different position from one who says “I never want to get married” or who says nothing and changes the subject. The first may move with patience and support. The second is telling you something you need to hear, even if it’s painful.
What the research says about what builds commitment
Psychologists have studied commitment for decades. One well-known model, developed by Caryl Rusbult and colleagues, is called the investment model. It suggests that commitment tends to be stronger when a person is satisfied with the relationship, when they believe their alternatives, including being single, are less attractive, and when they’ve invested heavily in the relationship through time, shared belongings, friends and plans.
That framework is useful because it points to things within reach. You can contribute to satisfaction by being kind, reliable, fun and honest. You can build shared investments through shared plans, routines and experiences. What you can’t, and shouldn’t, do is try to make the alternatives look worse by isolating your partner or creating dependence. That’s manipulation, and it produces resentment rather than commitment. A healthy relationship becomes one someone wants to stay in because it’s good, not because leaving feels impossible.
Do commitment spells work? What the evidence shows
There are no controlled studies showing that commitment spells cause partners to commit. It would be very hard to run such a study, and so any figure quoted on a website is an opinion dressed up as data. What exists is general research on rituals. Michael Norton and Francesca Gino, in a 2014 paper in the Journal of Experimental Psychology, found that performing rituals after a loss helped people feel less anxious and more in control.
That’s a useful finding, though it’s about the person performing the ritual, not the person they hope will change. A steadier you is better placed to have an honest talk, to hear an uncomfortable answer and to make a decision. So a ritual may help you act well. Whether it affects your partner’s choice is beyond anything anyone has shown. The guide on whether reconciliation spells work explains the same evidence for separated couples.
How to find out where you stand
The most reliable way to learn about someone’s commitment is to ask and to watch what they do. Pick a calm moment, not after an argument, and say something simple: “I care about you, and I’d like to talk about where we’re heading. What are you hoping for?” Then listen to the answer, including the parts you don’t like.
Watch behaviour over time. A partner who wants to stay tends to be consistent: he or she stays in touch, follows through on plans, includes you in their life, introduces you to friends and family, and talks about the future in concrete terms. Mixed signals, such as warmth followed by disappearance, vagueness about what you are or avoidance of any talk about the future, suggest ambivalence. None of this proves how someone feels, but a pattern over months tells you more than any single conversation.
The conversation, step by step
Begin by being clear with yourself about what you want. Is it exclusivity, moving in together, engagement, children? Write it down in a sentence. Decide what your own timeframe is, without turning it into an ultimatum. Then choose a time and place where you won’t be rushed, and ask whether it’s a good moment.
When you talk, state what you want and why, in your own words. Ask what your partner wants, and let them answer fully. Don’t interrupt or argue. If they say they’re unsure, ask what would help them feel sure, and whether they can give an idea of timing. If they say they don’t want what you want, believe them. Thank them for being honest, even though it hurts, and give yourself time before deciding what to do.
It helps to decide beforehand how you’ll respond to each possible answer. If it’s a yes, you can plan together. If it’s “not yet”, you might agree on a check-in date. If it’s a no, you have a decision about how to look after yourself. Knowing this in advance keeps you from agreeing to a limbo that costs you years.
Waiting, and how long is reasonable
Patience is a virtue, but open-ended waiting can be costly. Only you can decide how long you’re willing to wait, and it depends on your age, your goals and the evidence that your partner is moving. A partner who’s making real progress, such as seeing a counsellor, planning steps or visibly growing more secure, is different from one whose answer hasn’t changed in years.
Set your own limit, and tell your partner honestly. “I’d like us to be engaged within the next year. If that’s not something you can see, I’d rather know, so I can make my own choices” is fair. It isn’t a threat. It’s information. And it gives both of you a chance to decide with open eyes. If you set a limit and then ignore it, you teach your partner that your words don’t carry weight.
When a partner says no, or keeps saying not yet
A clear no is painful and useful. It lets you stop wondering, grieve and decide. You’re allowed to be sad, and you’re allowed to leave. Some people stay hoping a partner will change, and sometimes they do, but waiting for that is a risk you can choose to take or not.
A long series of “not yet” deserves honest attention. If the reasons keep changing, if the date keeps moving or if the conversation always ends in a fight, it may be a soft no. You can test this gently by asking, “If we’re still in the same place in a year, what would that tell us?” A partner who engages with that question is showing respect. One who avoids it is telling you something too.
Commitment and the law in Australia
In Australia, de facto couples can acquire legal rights and responsibilities, including around property and children, after living together for a period, though the details and exceptions vary by situation. Marriage carries its own legal consequences. That’s worth understanding before you make big decisions together, such as buying a home, merging finances or having children.
It isn’t a reason to rush into marriage, nor to avoid it. It’s a reason to be informed, and to consider a written agreement when large assets are involved. Independent legal advice is sensible for any significant step. This is general information, not legal advice, and the right approach depends on your circumstances. Our page on love spells to get married goes further into de facto relationships and the path toward marriage.
Commitment rituals that work with consent
Not all commitment work is about getting a reluctant partner to agree. Many couples use rituals to mark a commitment they’ve already made: a private vow exchange, lighting two candles that burn into one flame, exchanging rings or writing promises to each other. These celebrate a choice rather than trying to create one.
If you’d like a ritual of your own, here’s one that asks nothing of your partner. Sit quietly with a notebook and a candle. Write what commitment means to you, what you’re offering and what you need in return. Read it aloud. Then write one specific thing you’ll do in the next month, such as raising the conversation or setting your own timeline. Let the candle burn for a short time under supervision, then extinguish it. The ritual steadies you and prompts action. It does nothing to another person, so there’s no ethical problem.
What to avoid: pressure, tests and tricks
When people feel desperate for commitment, they sometimes reach for tactics that backfire. Ultimatums issued in anger, which you don’t intend to keep, teach your partner to ignore you. Jealousy games, like pretending interest in someone else, damage trust. Pregnancy as a strategy, or threats of leaving as a bargaining tool, create lasting resentment and real harm. People often ask whether love spells last forever; the short answer is that the relationship work does the lasting.
Isolating a partner from friends and family, checking their phone, or making them feel guilty for wanting independence are controlling behaviours. Coercive control is a criminal offence in some Australian states, and it’s a form of harm, not love. If you recognise any of these in yourself, step back and get support. If you’re on the receiving end, 1800RESPECT (1800 737 732) offers free, confidential help.
Binding spells versus commitment rituals
Many pages blur “commitment spell” with “binding spell”. They’re different. A commitment ritual, done with consent, marks or invites dedication between two willing people. A binding spell, as usually sold, aims to tie a person to you so that he can’t leave or look at anyone else. The first respects free will. The second tries to remove it.
The ethical question isn’t academic. A spell aimed at a person who hasn’t agreed creates a relationship built on control, and whatever its outcome, it can’t produce the security you’re hoping for. The page on binding spells for marriage explains where that line sits, and the guide to commitment spells for an ex covers the related question for former partners.
Couples counselling and support in Australia
If you and your partner are stuck on commitment, a counsellor can help you talk about it without the conversation sliding into blame. Relationships Australia (1300 364 277) offers counselling and family services, and the Family Relationship Advice Line (1800 050 321) provides free information and referrals. Your GP can also discuss mental health support, including for anxiety about relationships.
In a first session, expect mostly listening. A counsellor will ask what each of you wants, what’s making it hard and what you’ve tried. Many find that hearing their partner’s fears in a safe setting changes the conversation. If your partner won’t come, going alone is worthwhile. It can help you understand your own patterns and decide what you want.
What a consultation with Baba Ali involves
If you’d like a spiritual element as well, you begin by sending your story through the secure form on the contact page. Baba Ali reads it and talks with you about your relationship and what you hope for, then advises whether spiritual work is suitable and what it would include. The stages are set out on the how it works page: consultation, preparation of ritual materials, the ritual itself, and updates through a private client portal.
You’re entitled to ask what each stage involves and what it costs, and to be told straight that no outcome can be promised. A consultation is a conversation and a piece of spiritual work, not a contract for a result. The page on a love spell caster in Australia describes how remote sessions work for clients around the country.
Mistakes that make commitment harder
A few habits reliably push partners away. Raising the topic only during arguments turns it into a weapon. Comparing your partner to friends who are engaged makes them feel judged. Turning every wedding invitation into a hint creates pressure. Making big sacrifices in the hope of earning a proposal builds resentment on your side and unease on theirs.
Others include acting as though you don’t care to avoid rejection, and then being hurt when the partner believes you. Doing a ritual aimed at your partner without their knowledge, or using their belongings, crosses an ethical line. The alternative is unglamorous: say what you want, calmly and once, listen honestly, and then act on what you learn.
Scam warning signs
People who want commitment badly are an easy target for sellers. Be wary of guarantees, fixed timeframes such as “he’ll propose within 30 days”, large upfront payments, repeated requests for more money to “strengthen” a spell, claims that another woman or a curse is blocking your relationship and threats of misfortune if you stop. A genuine practitioner explains what they do, what it costs and what they can’t promise.
In Australia, Scamwatch, run by the ACCC, publishes current scam information and takes reports, and your bank can sometimes help if you contact them quickly. The guide to spell caster scams in Australia lists the red flags. Before you pay anyone, write down what you’ve been promised, what it costs and what happens if nothing changes.
If you live in the UK or elsewhere in Europe
The emotional picture is similar across Europe, though customs and law vary. In the UK, cohabiting couples don’t automatically gain the same legal rights as married couples, so the practical stakes of commitment can differ from Australia’s, and it’s worth getting advice before combining finances or property. Relate offers relationship counselling, and Samaritans (116 123) is there for anyone struggling.
Attitudes to marriage, living together and family involvement vary from country to country, and some places have formal registered partnerships. A conversation with a practitioner who takes your background into account is more useful than a generic script. Remote consultations work across time zones, so distance is no barrier.
Looking after yourself while you wait for an answer
Waiting to hear where a relationship is heading is stressful. Keep your routines: sleep, movement, friends, work. Don’t let your whole week revolve around your partner’s next message. Make plans that belong to you. Talk to someone you trust about how you’re feeling, and consider a counsellor if the worry is taking over. Our page on a spell to make him stop cheating covers trust, safety and when to leave.
If the heaviness lasts, speak to your GP or call Lifeline on 13 11 14. A calm, well-supported you is better placed to have the conversation, to hear the answer and to make a good decision. Many people find that once they stop waiting for a verdict and start building their own life, the relationship, or their feelings about it, becomes clearer.
When it’s time to decide
At some point, you may need to decide whether to stay or go. That’s a hard moment, and it helps to treat it as a decision, not a test. Ask yourself whether you’d be content if nothing changed. Ask what you’d regret. Ask what a friend would say if you described the situation as someone else’s. There’s no shame in leaving a relationship that can’t offer what you need, and no shame in staying if you’ve made a clear, informed choice.
If you stay while still hoping for more, be honest with yourself about the terms. If you leave, give yourself time to grieve and to rebuild. Either way, you’re acting on your own information rather than waiting for a spell or a sign, and that’s a stronger position.
Keeping commitment alive once it’s made
Commitment isn’t a one-off moment. Once you’ve agreed to a future together, keep investing in it. Keep making time for each other, keep saying thank you, and keep talking about what you each need. Revisit your plans as life changes, and don’t let the excitement of a proposal or a move-in date stand in for the daily work.
Some couples mark milestones with a small ritual: lighting candles on an anniversary, rereading their vows or planting something in a garden. Others keep a short list of promises on the fridge. The form matters less than the habit of turning toward each other. Commitment that’s tended tends to last.
Frequently asked questions
Do commitment spells work?
There’s no reliable evidence that they make a partner commit. Rituals can help you feel calmer and clearer, which supports an honest conversation, but they can’t decide for another person. Be wary of any promise of a proposal or a date.
How long does a commitment spell take to work?
There’s no fixed time, because no ritual controls another person’s choices. Some couples move forward in weeks after a real conversation. Others take years, and some find that they want different things. Treat any timeframe as marketing.
Is it ethical to cast a commitment spell on someone?
It depends on what the work asks for. A ritual to mark a commitment you’ve both agreed to is fine. Work aimed at compelling a person who hasn’t agreed raises serious ethical problems and tends to produce unstable relationships.
What if my partner says he isn’t ready?
Ask what readiness would look like and whether he can say roughly when. Decide how long you’re willing to wait, and be honest about it. If the answer never changes, treat that as information.
Can a spell make my partner propose?
No. Proposals come from a person’s decision. A ritual can’t make that decision, and sellers who promise otherwise are selling something they can’t deliver.
Should I try counselling?
Yes, if your partner is willing, and alone if not. Counselling gives you tools for talking about commitment, and it doesn’t conflict with spiritual practice.
When should I walk away?
When your partner has clearly said they don’t want what you want, when the waiting is costing your health or goals, or when there’s disrespect or control. Walking away can be an act of self-respect.
Your next step
If you’d like to talk through your situation in private, you can start a confidential consultation through the contact page. You can also browse the other services, or read how the site writes and checks its guides in the editorial standards. Do commitment spells work? They can support your calm and clarity, and they can’t choose for someone else. If you’re struggling, call Lifeline on 13 11 14 in Australia or Samaritans on 116 123 in the UK.